feel like giving up

I think I'm barely breathing. My 'own' self , right now ; somehow experiencing panic attack. So of course, being 'emo' in the meantime. Although the so-called my "Engagement Day" will (or should be) taking place in about 4months from now... which is in December... I've already feel the 'nervousness'... [-.-'] Sadly this is not due to the title of a fiancee but rather towards the preparation for that one meaningful event. *sigh* I'm afraid that I might not be able to complete things in time...

Situation 1

After the month of August, his family might come for 'merisik' which will result in me travelling back and forth. I might drain my energy with that cause even one-way journey with public transportation will take about 6-7 hours. It'll be a lot worse if it happen during Raya time which is one of the busiest day of my life... I have to take charge for menghidang and everything for my relatives due to my mom's health condition.

Situation 2

Generally... With the total of seven subject for this semester, the assignments will surely be a lot... might be as high as a mountain... So from August onwards also, I will be busy... all day long. I even might not have the time for myself... If this happens, how can I be sure that my engagement dress will be ready by the time it should be? Especially when I don't even have the time to think about it...

Situation 3

I can't start my preparation after my semester ends cause it'll be on November which is only few weeks before the day... Of course the dress will not finished on time. Plus, I'll only have 3 weeks for the break... and we already decided to buy the ring during the break. Unfortunately for me, the date for the engagement will fall after my next semester starts... So from the day the semester starts again, I won't have the freedom to organize it...

Situation 4

I'm thinking of solving everything in October but I'm afraid that I might be busy *again with the excuse* because it is already at the end of the semester which is the most important part of the semester... I'll have to face great 'tensi' with the due date of assignments, presentations and micro teaching. I think I can't bear any more 'tensi'... [-.-']

Situation 5

The worst part... I don't even know what I should do. I dunno what kind of dress that people usually make for engagement... The materials I should use... The suitable theme color... The design of the dress... Hmm... None ! I know nothing and I think it'll take a while for me to figure these things out... which for sure I can't figure them by this month... Anyone care to help me figuring things ?

In conclusion ;

August - Fasting month (so I don't have the pleasure to wander around especially with the classes mostly in the evening)

September - Hari Raya Puasa

October - Assignment's due date, Presentations, Micro Teaching

November -Final Exams, The Ring (and already too close to the day. I don't want to do things in rush)

December - New semester begins, The Engagement Day *which should fall on 19th December 2010*

So, what month do I have left ? I guess, in the end I'll have to bear with all the 'tensi'... Somehow nearly burst into tears while typing this post... [-.-']

be my wonderwall ; will you ?