Officially a Wife!

Alhamdulillah.

First and foremost, I would like to send my highest gratitude to Allah S.W.T. for sending him into my life. Thank you very much to my family, all my relatives and also friends who had helped me with all the preparations and also for attending the wedding. It was a very tiring week, but Alhamdulillah, the happiness that comes after it is definitely worth it.

If I want to talk about my feelings on that day, I am sure that there are a lot of things that I want to write. My week started with a fever, bad runny nose and cough which is quite usual for me. I am diagnosed with allergies since I was a small child so I have a very high tendency to fall in sick whenever I overwork myself, or if am exposed to cold environment. I guess, it is quite hard being 'me'.

Because of the fever that I have during the whole week, I didn't manage to finish up sewing my veil for the solemnization day. So what I did was, I wake up super early on the day of solemnization and finish up sewing the veil as fast as I can. Then, iron my outfit and take a bath. After I am done with dressing up myself, I can only sit in the room and wait for the arrival of the groom. I kinda feel bored, but undoubtedly nervous at the same time.

I can't actually find any words that can describe my feeling at that time but one thing for sure, I am not able to cry at the moment when he said "Aku terima nikahnya...." even though I am touched with the lafaz. I want to cry for sure but I am not able to because I am still down with fever even when I am sitting there on the dais. I wonder how bad my headache will be if I cry. And yeah, in case if any of you wonder... I definitely feel nervous when I heard the lafaz. Alhamdulillah, he only did it once.

However, until today I still can't believe that I am a wife. :p

p/s: We have been married for twelve days! Hope that it can last until twelve decades. :D

I just pour my heart out

I've been having these mixed up feeling for a while now. The days for the wedding is getting near. Somewhat, towards the end I feel glad that I agree to the sudden proposal he made several years ago. A really sudden proposal, when you've just being a close friend with him for around 3 months? Crazy, right? And even I just agree without thinking. You could say, I have a hunch that I should say yes.

Who would've ever taught that the person who is actually your long-lost childhood friend will be your partner through life. If I were to say, I don't really know him before. It is only about him remembering me for all these years even though I am not very sure of his existence. As I met him from years to years, I always thought that he's very arrogant. Even though there are only both of us standing side by side, he still won't utter a word. As I learn more about him, it turns out that he didn't really speak to girls. Its not that he's arrogant, he's actually just being shy which actually makes him looks cute.

After we have engaged, I started to learn more and more about him. As in when is his birthday, what his taste is like, what had happened in his past, etc. etc. To me, he has a very amazing character in which is totally different from me. Kind of the exact opposite.

I love to talk.
He love to listen.
I am quite a lazy bum.
He is very hardworking.
I get angry easily.
He is very calm.

He didn't particularly like reading.
I love books.
He love vegetables.
I am choosy with veges that I want to eat.
He's from Kuala Kangsar in which rich of Durians.
I can't eat Durian, I won't, and I can't even smell them.

In sum, he's the exact opposite.


There's only 6 weeks and 6 days left until our wedding day. I hope that everything will go on smoothly and we can paint our marriage with the colors of rainbows. InsyaAllah. :)

Things just add up, and actually leave me broken.

It has been a while since the last time I wrote things here. Its not that I'm busy or anything but I've been trying to move on with my life actually, really. 

It has also been a while since I wrote a post with tears over my cheeks.

Do you know how tiring it can be when you feel that your existence is actually meaningless? I've been trying to move over these feelings for years. I've tried to commit suicide once, and I don't think that I'll ever do that again. I have more faith in my religion now than I have before. But, I just had to admit that this built up feeling just seems to become worse. For 20 years, I've been living with a wall between me and others. I had survived that way. To be precise, that is the only way for me to survive after having had to go through childhood that is worst than nightmare, being beaten to a pulp, having had to see your own blood drops from your head, and still being alive with all the blame on your shoulder. Yes, I am broken that way without even having the slightest feeling of compassion towards others.

As I reach 19-years of my life, I've became more desperate into solving this one problem of mine. I was lucky to have met the only one person who is actually able to climb and stay in my side of the wall. He knows me for who I am, accept me for who I was, what I did, and guide me on who I should become. The first thing he taught me at that time is to crack a hole on the wall and see the things that I've missed for 20 years of my life.

I believe in him.

So I decided to crack a hole and see for myself. At first I thought it was amazing but I think I've had enough. As true as I am able to see others, they are also able to see me. People will never change and they will just add on the pain that I've tried so hard to overcome. I've had enough of being labelled, suppressed and blame. And to think of it, by people who actually should be called as 'family'.  I respect them for who they are, where they stand but I don't think I'll ever be able to break the wall or even create a larger hole on it. In fact, I will patch it up. I think its enough for me to stay on my side of the wall with him, without ever having the slightest intention of stepping out of the shadow.

I wonder if there will ever be a sun in which will shine on this side of the wall? 

 p/s: Opening up your heart to others can actually make it bleed you know?

House of Fashion

My brother informs me that he'll be going to Milan next week... I can't believe it but he actually asks me if I want to ask him to buy anything from Milan. I mean, if you're given the chance, who in their right mind would reject that offer! I feel quite overwhelmed by the offer until my mind went blank. I don't know what should I ask... Should I ask for a handbag? shoes? blouses? err... I don't know.

But I think, I would like to ask him to find a Ferragamo handbag for me.. :pp

Socializing

Ever since I've started to live here, in Bukit Jelutong... my soul always feel like 'socially frustrated.' Can you imagine living in an empty house with nobody who'll talk to you every time you went back home after a tiring day at work? It has been like that for me for more than a month now...

 

O well, last week I've been able to go out and have some fun. My fiancee wanted to bring his sister and have some fun. So we spent a day and a half for that. We went to I-City, Downtown Cheras, Taman Tasik Shah Alam, Ikea, Ikano and also The Curve. It was tiring, but fun. But still, I super duper hate the fact that I am not able to shop for my favourite things because of my practicum expenses. If only I could buy those Padini shirts, MNG pants, dresses and handbags, Vincci wedges and Cotton On blouses... *sigh* and yeah, I nearly bump onto my ex on that day. *another sigh*

So, for this week... I went to e@Curve to watch Wrath of the Titans, together with a friendly couple.

And when we arrived there, thay actually bought the ticket for me and also belanja makan Bubba Gump at The Curve. It was good, thou I can't recall the name of the food. It sounds too complicated. :)

nota kaki: and today, I was socializing at my aunt's house and have a friendly visit to Teluk Intan. I've never been there after my last visit when I was a kid. :DD

Fact about me #1

and also the reason why I usually end up sleeping late at night.  -.-"

Wise Decisions

As far as I am concern, J have done most of the decision for the wedding preparations. I have confirmed the vendor for wedding invitations, doorgift, photographer, wedding dais, groom's side reception gown, MUA, etc. My aunt will sponsor the deco for high table and also my wedding cake. Plus, I will do my own hantaran.

But the only problem that I have is my height.

Whenever I went to a wedding boutique, they will always suggest me to make a new dress. Most of the dress that they have won't fit me since it was catered for people with standard height. For those who knew me, you must have realized that I am physically challenged, right? I have to at least add another RM400 for new dress. I don't really know whether I should spent more money on dresses. I don't think that I want to add more dresses to my personal collection since the solemnization dress and the wedding gown for the groom's side will be designed and tailored and will be kept as my personal collection. The best part is that my fiancee will fully support the cost for my wedding gown since he is the one who wants us to wear tuxedo and gown for his side. If I have to spend more money on my own reception dress, I will have to use my own money... Oh, I really want to save some money for other things.

nota kaki: We should spent more on marriage and not on wedding. I hope that everything will be fine.

It's not too late.

Life ain't easy. I still remember the time where there's no such things as studying or career in my life dictionary. I feel regret for what had happened.

Now, as I learned my way to maturity... I noticed that there are lots of students here who didn't know what they wanna do after high school, or even why they were placed in different stream of classes. I was like that too. Once. I never knew what I wanted until the day when I nearly reached the end of my first year in university.

I believe. Live a life that you'll be proud of. That's when I take a bold step to quit my course, leave the university and make changes. It was quite a risk but I know I can do it. O well, I hope that these students here will be able to carve their own path, make their own future.




Nota kaki: Now is the exam week. The March test. I have classes to attend to after this but I still have no idea what are the things that I should teach. I wanted to do some revision for them but I've already done this last week. Plus, they've done their test for English on last Saturday. Continuing their syllabus will not be possible since I have to follow the scheme of work. Should I do another debate then? Most of them looks like they really love debates, or games...

My Blast Weekend !

Its been a stressful task for me to overcome the previous week. I am barely breathing.

Nevertheless; in order to overcome those stressfulness, I went to UNISEL and fetch a really close friend of mine or in another words, my ex-roommate. Actually, I want to attend Pameran Pengantin Malaysia by Urban Vibe which was held at SACC Convention Centre. I need someone to accompany me since my fiancee can only come on Sunday. So this is where the idea came in. I want to go to the pameran, I really need a time-out for myself and I also misses her. This is the reason why I fetch her. It is actually an unplanned visit. I just thought that I want to meet her after I came back from school on last Friday, so I drove straight away to UNISEL.

This is me taking some time to myself 

while waiting for my friend to come out.

The first thing that we do when we came back from UNISEL is going to the pameran. We went there on Friday night. Later on the next day, we went to have our dinner and went for a visit to Subang Parade since she really wants to have Big Apple. After we walk out of Subang Parade, we decided to go to I-City since it is still early. I am lucky enough to have Chan's camera with me. I can take as much 'awesome' pictures as I want.

 

Then later on Sunday, my fiancee came for the bridal exhibition. Before we went there, we first went for breakfast at Kedai Kopi, which is situated in Taman Tasik Shah Alam. I always love to go there for breakfast. They have fresh air and a really nice view. It is so relaxing. And what makes it feel really great is that I can get a rare dose of smile together with those nice view and fresh air..

Then after that, we went to SACC Convention Centre for the bridal exhibition. There's nothing much to see since I can't afford all those packages and there are some of my relatives wants to sponsor my pelamin, cake, etc. So in the end, we just book the package for wedding invitations. The sample cards look so cute and their prices are so affordable. We also manage to finish up some other preparations for the wedding.

But then, after that lovely sunny day, the rain falls on the evening. Therefore, we just manage to go to the Akuarium at Taman Tasik Shah Alam since we can't have a walk at the tasik itself.

Well I guess, that's all for my weekend. I am glad that I spend my weekend with these two persons who I really miss.



Nota Kaki: Its 9.33am now and later at 9.50am my school supervisor will come during my lesson for 4 Lambda's first observation. I am quite nervous since I've been having food poisoning early today. Oh well, wish me luck... :)

What a luck

I wish that I have my Ferrania Solaris 400 with me now. I want to see the results of my first roll of film. -__-

I'm tired of being nice

I feel devastated.

I haven't updated my blog for a while now. Ever since I left UNISEL, my life had been so busy and tiring. There are lots of things that I miss, lots of things that I had to consider and another whole lots of things that need my attention.

It has been three weeks since I started my practicum in SMK Bukit Jelutong.  My life has become 'lifeless' since then. I have to teach two classes of Form 4 students. Each of these classes are filled with students who are taller and bigger than me. I feel like I am such a little dwarf. Nonetheless, that is not really a problem for me. During these period of practicum, I actually had a problem with one of the class. Most of the students in this school came from families with high socioeconomic status who uses English as their first language. Therefore, they actually expect us to speak with a perfect fluency and accuracy. This is where the hardest part of the problem lies. These judgmental look actually makes me feel uncomfortable when entering the class. It is quite hard when you had to control a class with 42 students, be mindful of your language when you speak and still maintain your confidence level and voice projection... Oh well, in spite of those things, you also have to be aware of their complaints. Who gave them the right to be judgmental when they just read comics in the class?

# Everything will be okay. Amen.

January's Update

Of all the months I've lived, January 2012 should be the only month where I spent most of my money. Looking back to all the days I've spent for this month, I guess I do give away my money a lot.

December 31st, 2011 and January 1st, 2012
I starts off my first day in 2012 with a deposit to my official photographer for my wedding. Then I spent some money going to Penang with my love and my younger brother. Most of my money were actually spent on Pesta Penang.

This picture was taken on the 1st of January 2012; 

first day of a new year celebration together with the anniversary of my first year of engagement.

This picture is actually while they were waiting for their turn to ride the Challenger.

January 5th, 2012

I think I look kinda healthy on the outside. But if you look on the inside, I am actually filled with some health issues. I have Gastritis, Sinus, sensitive skin, etc. I even can't eat black pepper or spicy food *except for Asam Pedas Johor since I love them so much until I am willing to suffer*. So, based on these health issues of mine, I've decided to take on Herbalife. Plus, I'll get married soon. I really want to be on my best shape  for that day. Yeah, if you ask me, this is also another day where I spent lots of my money.

January 7th, 2012

On this day, I had to go to Shah Alam since the day for my practicum is near enough and I still don't have a place to live. So I had to spent some money for the rental car and also for Tutti Frutti and some magazines that I bought along the way.

January 9th, 2012

I had to go to Shah Alam again since my first visit didn't bring me any luck. This time I had some luck with me and now I already paid for two months rental fees since I want to avoid having to pay for the deposit. Apart from that, I also pay for some magazines again, a book and a ring which I bought together with my roommate.

January 11th, 2012

Oh well, today I spent most of my money for perfumes. I know... People may say that perfumes are not that important but for me, they do. Plus, these perfume were sold by a friend of mine. They are original perfumes with much cheaper price than the one in the store. At first, I needed these perfumes for my practicum days *I don't want to be caught wearing cheap perfumes by those elite students with drivers* but now, I think these are valuable buys. This is because, even 3 bottles of original perfumes can last for the whole year. That's why I didn't hesitate to spend my money. I actually have paid for the first 5 bottles much earlier but I don't remember the date. Today, I buy another 4 bottles of perfumes. All these 9 bottles are not just for me actually.

The one that I bought for myself are Flora by Gucci, Daisy Purple by Marc Jacobs and Love and Glamour by Jennifer Lopez. Another two bottles of the perfumes which are CH Summer Fragrance Limited Edition by Carolina Herrera and Hugo Boss Orange by Hugo Boss is actually for the hantaran. One bottle of Gucci Guilty by Gucci is for my love... and as for my younger brother, I bought him another bottle of Gucci Guilty by Gucci, Hugo Boss Orange by Hugo Boss and together with Acqua Di Gio by Giorgio Armani.

Sounds a lot, right?  But I am actually not the one who'll pay for these. My love and my younger brother actually give me the money to pay for theirs... and yeah, later this week I'll have to pay for couple watches by Salvatore Ferragamo for my hantaran. Again, my love will also give me the money. ^_____^

So I guess, that's all for January's Update. I'll write later when I have the mood to do so. See ya!


#Oh damn, I'm tired of watching the money flew.