Best friends forever?

I don't hate anyone who hold the title of a best friend to someone. Its just that I have a problem in having one.

It always seems so great to have someone where you can share all your happiness.. help to comfort your frustration, wipe your tears when you're sad and give you a hug when you're down. Not to mention, someone for gossiping about others and boys too. Sometimes I feel jealous watching best friends having their 'girls-day-out', spending time together and capture lots and lots of pictures.

It was so frustrating that I always have problems in having best friends or at least one of them.

Not having a best friend doesn't mean that I don't have any friends. I have. Lots and lots of them. But most of them are just close friends. I've always put a barrier between me and the others. I don't trust people easily and that is actually my biggest problem. I just hate the fact that if I trust others, I actually let myself to the risk of being back-stabbed... especially between girls.  So far, in my whole life, I only have one best friend that is actually a guy but since I get engaged, he was just MIA. I don't know why and I don't think that I want to know.. and to make it worse, the fact that I'm getting married soon makes my chance to feel what its like to have a girl best friend is really low.

This whole friendship thingy makes me wonder; am I that bad as a person?

Sheesh... I think I am just fucked up in every single way.

p/s: Is there anyone who want to be my best friend? I promise I'll try my best to trust you...