Enough is ENOUGH !

Things have been harsh for me in these past few days. People may hate me ; they may also love me. I do realize that it is me who's doing things that I've done. I walk on my own path and I decide on my own things. What I want to do and with whom I want to be. The right thing to do , the mistakes I've made. No one else will get the blame except for my own self.

I do know the risk that I'm going to face.

I draw my own future , carve my own tomorrow. I work for my own fortune , pray for my own happiness. No one... Nobody... Shall have the right to get the blame , to get the credit or to interfere with my own way of life. I choose what I've chosen so again keep out of it. Just keep it that way. Don't question my own mood, my own sadness or even my own smile. I talk when I talk , I'm mute when I want to. Just remember that.

So , close the topic now will ya ? It is not that easy to forget.
I'm getting tired. I'm sick and it feels like I've been curse.


I need to breath from the air of my life.
I want to see , the reminiscence of my days.
Slowly ; I need to smell , the fragrance of my own happiness.

.

I'm SORRY that my word reached You

I've got a feeling... I've got a bad feeling, I mean.

I don't know how to say this but... I've hurt someone. Yeah , its true and to you... I'm so SORRY for that. It is just that you have to know. That is the truth and its time for you to face it. Thou you say you can't bear the pain , you have to. This is your life and as a friend , I want you to open your eyes. There are a lot of other things for you to see , other things for you to experience and a lot more of other people for you to be friend with. 

Just so you know , I'm still you're friend and I'll be here if you need me.

The truth is, it hurts me too when uttering those words... It hurts a lot. I never expect that I'm gonna see those tears. It reached you right ? Those words. I regret what I've just said after seeing those face of yours. I just hope that it didn't reached you. But no matter how I think about it , communication is irreversible.

So please cheer up.

I guess , it is time for you to move on...
and Forgive Me.

p/s : To my lovely friends in UNISEL... Happy Second Year Anniversary ! Thanks a lot for these wonderful years of knowing you... Can't wait for the memories that'll we'll face this year.. ^_^

The Word of the Day ; Cliche !

Today is the day where I supposed to do a speech. After few days of thinking, I've decided to do "Cliche in Thriller Films". I suppose to say a great thanks to Yang Penting Rupa blog site for the article.

 Unfortunately, the lecturer somehow seems like totally forget about it. I'm a bit disappointed  but yeah, I admit the happiness is more all over me rather than the disappointment. There are butterflies all over my stomach ! That's why I nearly jump when the class ended without any speech presentation.

Another thing , I'm getting better. A big 'yeay' for me ! I'm getting so excited about it and it made me talked and talked and talked quite a lot for the whole day. It also resulted me in talking with a really cute child named Aisyah when I had my dinner.

This is a great day after all.

; and (p/s) to you, I Miss You.

The ME Facts ; Top 10 Most Viewed Blog

Actually I was inspired by The Other Khairul blog post. He has listed his top 10 most viewed blog sites so I've decided to do the same thing except that my list will differ from him obviously. I gain nothing with this list and this is just based on my own interest. You are free to comment or view the blog. This is a non-restricted site after all...

10. Purpinkle Days [Genre : Pesonal ]
She's saying she's not a perfect girl. I think she is amazing. I love the way she writes her post. Somehow it was like a really cool way of expressing her life. Even though it is just about her personal life, I don't really feel bored with all of her posts.

09. Resakse Gone Ape ! [Genre : Personal ]
I don't really know how to describe this blog but it is interesting. You can see some poetic expressions where you really have to think to understand the meaning of it.


08. Philosophy Meets Art [Genre : General (Photogpahy) , Personal ]
When it comes to personal life, I think it is hard to find someone who has it as interesting as he is. Every time the blog updated, there seems to be quite funny stories in it. And yeah , he's good with cameras. The pictures that he takes are great and sometimes it inspires.


07. Words Left Unspoken [Genre : General (Quotes) , Personal ]
I'm so sorry that I can't put the blog link here. This is a blog owned by a friend of mine. Unfortunately she's trying to hide her blog link from a certain someone. If you want to view her , feel free to comment and I'll give you the link. Her blog is full with quotes. Some of them are written by her. The way she used the words makes them look beautiful. That's how I fell in love with words. Thanks to her.

06. Kereta Mayat [Genre : General (Religious)]
I really mean it when I say that this is a religious blog. It is not religious like in terms of sermons and stuffs. The owner is an anonymous 'he' and he talks about religious stuffs. The way he wrote it makes it really fun to read. His blog is really useful for knowledge purpose. And you know what , you can see his opinions in certain issues... Example , the Kalimah 'ALLAH' on Crocs shoes logos. Interesting.

05. Madness is just a Word [Genre : General (Issues) , Personal ]
If you are the type of person who loved to see opinions , this is the right place. He usually talks about some issues in interesting ways. Yeah, somehow it does seem a bit philosophical.

04. Yang Penting Rupa [Genre : General (Sarcasm) , Personal ]
This is another blog that I don't know how to describe. I love the sarcasms *amazingly*. It is fun to read. Most of the times it is all about relationships like "Things You should Never Say to aGirl".

03. The Other Khairul [Genre : General (Sarcasm) , Personal ]
This is also another sarcasm blog. He talks about a lot of issues in sarcasm manner which makes it fun to read. There are also gender issues. All in all , don't take what he says straight into your heart.


02. Color Me Katie [Genre : General (Photography)]
This is a cute, colourful and fun blog to look at. This where you can see Katie, a freelance photographer spice up her life with lots and lots of colours.

Where is no.1? Well , I'm still decided on that because besides other blog , I've always viewed my own blog first. So my own blog is my most viewed blog. But I guess that doesn't count. So I'm still searching. And yeah, even though I didn't list all of my other friends blog sites, that doesn't mean that I didn't view you blog sites. Believe me, I do and I love it but I can't list all of you here because it might take a lot of spaces. So I just list the most interesting ones. Again , feel free to have a look at their blog...

and

To lovely bloggers ,
I'm looking forward to your updates.

I've never been perfect, but neither have you

I am strong on the surface , but not all the way through.

- Linkin Park , Leave Out All the Rest

I guess that is just true. Thou I look like I'm being patient with all the challenges, my body getting sick. And what worse is... I didn't recover. Not before a month at least. Yeah, this is suck. I don't really have any idea how to revert this. Maybe not reverting it, but at least I wish that there'll be some changes bout that.

I know , I keep on mumbling. For few times now... Well, that's just show how much of a talker I am. With this coughing, I can't talk that much. So I resort it in the blog. Nice idea , right ? Its not that bad having a place to talk as much as you can without anyone telling you to stop or complaint about it. What makes it amazing is that after writing everything, I feel light... more at peace, I guess.

But still , there more other things... that I'll never say.

I say, look for miracles !

Hey ,

I guess I've been messing around quite a bit much from this past few weeks. I am so sorry if anyone feel offended or annoyed with this blog. There's nothing much I can do about it thou... I was hoping that there will be "a forgive and forget" kind of situation while asking that forgiveness part. All of us had been wrong the whole time..

While slacking in bed since these past few days, I've decided to have a new look for the blog. Starting with the layout and also with the posts. Somehow I want to start a new life; a fresh start and this blog will represents my self. *literally* It'll be an all English post ! Well this is because I know that I'm not that good with writing essays. Since I'm taking Academic and Business Writing Skills this semester, I guess I have to make some effort for that. That's why you should ignore any grammatical error in this post. I'm still fixing it.

Great news, I think I got better ! Nah, I lied thou I was hoping for it. My body feels like it has worn down due to the fever that comes around and disappearing for few times. It's been a month. I can't attend classes without disturbing my friends who are presenting with my coughing or sit down quietly at the back of the class without the "OMG, I'm gonna faint" feeling. I really hate it when I've become a bother to my friends.

I admit,

There are no other times where I feel more at peace and loved when I am alone besides now.

either, or

just so u know, i wrote bad words only in one of them... i mean, either my blog or my facebook. if i wrote it on my blog, i won't do it in my facebook. the reason i wrote it in my blog is cuz i know not that many people read my blog... plus, those readers don't care bout it. but if i wrote it on my facebook, well dear...thets when u really getting on my nerves cuz the reason i wrote it there is.. i want my friends to know bout you... then we'll see what they say...

in the meantime, i'm still thinking of you my love.. and yeah, i was hoping that i could get better plus my heart will be lighter.. ^_^

be my wonderwall ; will you ?

a change of air is great...

eh... smlm saya pejam mata dan bermimpi...
hari ni, saya dah kat sini...

~ home sweet home yg sentiasa dinanti ^__^

be my wonderwall ; will you ?

hey you ;

Constantly... Missing you.
Crazily... Thinking of you.
Regularly... Dreaming of you.
Extremely... Falling for you.

Whole-heartedly... Loving you !

be my wonderwall ; will you ?

experimenting

few night ago I was experimenting a photoshop tutorial.. I knew that I'm not that photogenic with cameras so I keep telling myself not to use my own picture as the subject... That's why I ended up using Mr. HeartGardenias picture instead... Hahaha... Somehow, the result is not that disappointing... Thou there are some features that I didn't able to apply... ^_^ 

be my wonderwall ; will you ?

argh... joker !

Ko... ko.... Isk... Pe yg ko x puas ati ngan ak sbnrnye ? Yg kje ko nk kutuk2 ak... Post kt facebook lg... Ko dok kutuk2 blog ak padahal bkn ak yg pkse ko bace blog ak. Blog ak xleh jalan pn g blog ko ke facebook ko... Lau ko x suke, xyh jd stalker kt blog ak. 

Seronok ke malukn org ? Ad penah ak malukn ko sblm ni? SUMPAH ak rase menyesal buat baik ngan ko. Mati2 ak igt ko kwn yg baik... Tp ko pn same je... Keje tikam blakang org mcm prmpuan sial ! Ak rase cm nk cuci mulut ak ngan clorox sbb dlu penah puji ko mcm2... Rase cm brnajis je mulut ak bile fikir balik....

Ko post mcm2 kt facebook konon2 ko innocent... Innocent ke ? Ak nmpk ko mcm joker... Confirm skrg ni ko tgh buruk2kn nama ak kt membe2 ko kn... Ak tulis warning kt blog... Lau bkn ko yg wat hal dlu... Asal ko terasa ? Pastu ko wat ayt konon2 ko innocent... Pe masalah ko sbnrnyer ? Double personality ?

Argh... Ak rase niat ko mse ko mule2 brbaik ngan ak pn x ikhlas... Siyes muke ko sblah lg yg cm joker tu buruk giler. Tmbh ngan busuk ati lg... Huh... Tak sggup ak tgk... Da bape kali ak ckp... Ak respect org lau org respect ak. Lau stakat joker yg x respect ak mcm ko... Ak nk pijak ngan kaki ak pn ak x sanggup. Jijik sgt... 

pade kau yg terasa, ak mmg tujukn kt kau la tu.

fikir balik ap yg ko da buat.

kalau ko rase ko x brsalah... ko face to face ngan ak

meh ak tunjuk dpn mata ko sgala perangai kurang ajar ko yg ko wat kt ak

in the meantime, skali lg ak ckp... blah dri blog ak sblm ak sndiri block ko

be my wonderwall ; will you ?

sukehati la nk excited !

Kenapa me nk engagement me bermakna ?

1. Sbb hari tu adalah hari birthday me jgk (sbb tu la ad majlis potong kek lepas sarung cincin).
2. Me adalah satu2nya anak prmpuan so pas me, xkn ad majlis brtunang kt umah dah sbb bile smpai time abang n adik me nk brtunang, kitorang just bwk cincin g umah pihak pmpuan.
3. Mr. HeartGardenias adlah satu2nya anak laki. So me nak family dy puas ati bile diorang dtg tuk sarung cincin nnt sbb lepas ni diorang xkn ad peluang tuk sarung cincin bakal menantu prmpuan lg.

So antara bnde2 laen yg me nk ad jgk (slain kek dlm post yg lepas) mse hari engagement tu adalah ;

baju tunang yg ala2 mcm ni... cantek... *berangan lg la cmni*
(gmbr dri Ini Perempuan Jujur nyer blogspot)

mini pelamin tuk time sarung cincin n tgkp gmbr ngan kwn2 nnt ^_^
pelamin by TakTeh Bridal Gallery

hahaha... masih lg dlm survey tuk dptkn baju tunang n pelamin yg sesuai... bakal melayang me nyer duit cmni... tp xpe.. impian nyer pasal... ^_^

be my wonderwall ; will you ?

seronok ke jd talam dua muka ?

Sape yg bace blog me mesti tau yg me skrg neh tgh menghitung hari bahagia ni... Jd dah pasti me sedang berbahagia... Samada me nk ckp kt blog ke.. Facebook ke yg me ngah bahagia... Terpulang pd me tul x? Mslhnye skrg ni... Ad sesetengah org x boleh dok diam bile bace blog org lain. Sentap maybe... Nak tau undang2 blogging...

______________________________________________________

Quote dari blog 'Ini Perempuan Jujur' , post tajuk 'Dari Perempuan Jujur' ;

Sepanjang menjadi blogger ni , aku tau satu benda yang basic aku belajar.

Bila baca blog orang lain, kau baca dan dok diam diam.

Kalau kau rasa kau tak puas hati kau cakap. Atau kau diam. Leave it at that. Tapi kalau kau cakap, dan orang tak setuju ngan kau , kau jangan nak menggelabah nak pergi post dekat facebook benda lain, dekat blog orang lain kau cakap lain pulak. Dah kantoi, dah malu tak tau mana nak letak muka, kau pergi mintak maaf.Kau cakap Tuhan nak balas cash bla3,bajet kau bagus sangat alim ulama bagai, tapi belakang orang tu ko dok maki2 dalam notes. Geli wei

Kau paham?

Macam apa kau tau? Macam apa aku cakap ? Macam joker. Sebelah muka kau lawa gile , sebelah lagi macam kena lenyek ngan tong dram. Not pretty. Bermuka muka. Hebat. Dekat orang lain kau cakap A , dekat orang B kau cakap benda taik pasal A. Kau gile ke apa?

______________________________________________________

Quote kt ats ni me tujukn pade sape2 yg x faham undang2 blogging. Tak faham kenapa wujud org2 macam ni... Ske dengki2... Salah ke saya bahagia ? Saya nk tunjuk saya gembira ? Jgn senang2 nk judge org tanpa kenal siapa diri dy sbnrnye... Igt rase gembira bahagia mcm ni tiap2 taun dpt ke ? Petik jari dy dtg... Org x tau berapa lama me susah payah nk dpt sume ni... Me penah kne tampar smpai brdarah dlm mata, kpala kne hentak kt lantai... Banyak lg... Sume tu sbb nk cari bahagia la tu.. Susah payah me lari dri dy... Jauh me lari smpai me brtmbung dgn Mr. HeartGardenias... Me boleh cakap dy 'hero' dlm hidup me... Kenapa me nk cerita banyak2 yg me bahagia ? Nk cari publisiti murahan ? Argh.. x payah pkai blog lau sbb nk sume tu...

Me sangat hargai Mr. HeartGardenias... Me sayangkn dy.. Kt mane2 je me pegi, me akn fikir pasal dy... Stiap kali dy senyum, me akan senyum. Bila dy gelak, me pn rasa gembira. Bila dy depan mata me... Xkn skali pn me lepas dari pandang wajah dy sbb me nk lukis wajah dy tu dlm ingatan me...

Me nk dy tau yg me sangat hargai dy... Mcm mana me hargai hidup me sendiri.. Nyawa me...

Me cerita kt blog sbb me nk orang tau... Me ad org yg me sayang... Ad org yg me sangat hargai... Me xnk sembunyikn perasaan me... Mr. HearGardenias bukan kekasih gelap me ! He's someone important that I cherished... Me nak, stiap kali dy baca blog me... Dy tau yg me x pernah berenti fikir pasal dy. Me nk dy senyum tiap kali dy tatap blog ni...

So pade sape2 yg suke sentap, dengki... Tolongla blah dari blog ni... Anda tak faham saya dan saya xkn kesah dgn ap yg anda nk komen...

"Saya yang cari bahagia... Saya yg cuba buat diri saya gembira... Saya tak buat awak derita.. awak yang buat diri awak derita... So.. Kenapa... Awak nk masuk cmpur dlm hidup saya ?"

be my wonderwall ; will you ?

Yummy !

Nampak kek kat atas tu ? Nampak ? Hahaha... Terima kasih banyak2 la sbb design kek2 neh membantu ilangkn emo2 yg wujud dlm diri... Sbb cantek, so me dah mule memotivasikn diri balek... Rase2 cm nk tempah kek design ala2 cmneh tuk my Birthday cum Engagement Day... Skrg still lg tgh tggu quotation harga dri pihak brkenaan... Hua Hua Hua... Cume kaler tema je tak fikir lg.. Kne decide kaler tuk Engagement Dress dlu bru leh decide nk nk kek kaler ap... Wah.... Somehow emo da tukar jd excitement ! ;p

Kpd sape2 yg berminat nk tgk design kek lawa, lawat la blog pemilik gmbr kek tuh... http://madaboutcake.blogspot.com/

p/s : thanks ye Cik Vinn dan kawan2 sbb cube menenangkn saya... ^__^

be my wonderwall ; will you ?

feel like giving up

I think I'm barely breathing. My 'own' self , right now ; somehow experiencing panic attack. So of course, being 'emo' in the meantime. Although the so-called my "Engagement Day" will (or should be) taking place in about 4months from now... which is in December... I've already feel the 'nervousness'... [-.-'] Sadly this is not due to the title of a fiancee but rather towards the preparation for that one meaningful event. *sigh* I'm afraid that I might not be able to complete things in time...

Situation 1

After the month of August, his family might come for 'merisik' which will result in me travelling back and forth. I might drain my energy with that cause even one-way journey with public transportation will take about 6-7 hours. It'll be a lot worse if it happen during Raya time which is one of the busiest day of my life... I have to take charge for menghidang and everything for my relatives due to my mom's health condition.

Situation 2

Generally... With the total of seven subject for this semester, the assignments will surely be a lot... might be as high as a mountain... So from August onwards also, I will be busy... all day long. I even might not have the time for myself... If this happens, how can I be sure that my engagement dress will be ready by the time it should be? Especially when I don't even have the time to think about it...

Situation 3

I can't start my preparation after my semester ends cause it'll be on November which is only few weeks before the day... Of course the dress will not finished on time. Plus, I'll only have 3 weeks for the break... and we already decided to buy the ring during the break. Unfortunately for me, the date for the engagement will fall after my next semester starts... So from the day the semester starts again, I won't have the freedom to organize it...

Situation 4

I'm thinking of solving everything in October but I'm afraid that I might be busy *again with the excuse* because it is already at the end of the semester which is the most important part of the semester... I'll have to face great 'tensi' with the due date of assignments, presentations and micro teaching. I think I can't bear any more 'tensi'... [-.-']

Situation 5

The worst part... I don't even know what I should do. I dunno what kind of dress that people usually make for engagement... The materials I should use... The suitable theme color... The design of the dress... Hmm... None ! I know nothing and I think it'll take a while for me to figure these things out... which for sure I can't figure them by this month... Anyone care to help me figuring things ?

In conclusion ;

August - Fasting month (so I don't have the pleasure to wander around especially with the classes mostly in the evening)

September - Hari Raya Puasa

October - Assignment's due date, Presentations, Micro Teaching

November -Final Exams, The Ring (and already too close to the day. I don't want to do things in rush)

December - New semester begins, The Engagement Day *which should fall on 19th December 2010*

So, what month do I have left ? I guess, in the end I'll have to bear with all the 'tensi'... Somehow nearly burst into tears while typing this post... [-.-']

be my wonderwall ; will you ?

the truth is...

I AM , barely breathing... slowly surviving...

be my wonderwall ; wil you ?